Vocabul-Eire: You Alright?

Confession: I spent a lot of time in pubs when I first moved to Ireland.  It was my mid-20s and I had evening hours/money to spare and steady stream of equally thirsty work colleagues to keep me company.  For the most part, it was an entirely pleasant experience, but I did run into issues when ordering drinks. 

Sidling up to the bar, I'd catch the eye of the barman/woman and our conversation would go something like this:

Barman: "You alright?"

Me (a little taken aback -- do I not look alright?  Am I slurring?  Running mascara?  Is it my accent?): 

"Errrr, yes, I'm fine thanks."  [Pause.]  "And you?"

Barman (gives me quizzical look): "Er, fine, yeah." 

[Another awkward pause.]

Me: "So, um, can I order a drink?"

Barman: "Yeeees, that is the idea...what'll you have?"

And I would get my pint (I could afford to consume pints back in the day when my liver processed the alcohol fast enough to avoid the twin evils of hangover and cellulite) and move quickly on, wondering why barmen insisted on having these awkwardly protracted conversations about my well-being... 

As it turns out, however: Irish barpersons are interested not a bit in the state-of-mind/general health of their patrons.  "You alright?" is simply the nationally accepted barperson-speak for "what can I get you?"  The only acceptable responses, in turn, are: a pint of ___, a glass of ___ wine or a ___ and Coke. 

For the record, I'm now a highly proficient drink-orderer in Irish pubs, though I still rue the lack of imagination when it comes to actual drink offerings.  (What's a girl gotta do to get a Cosmo 'round these parts?)  But that's a post for another time and day.  

In the meantime, yes, barman, I'd love a glass of white wine.  Anything but Chardonnay, and make it snappy.